Have you ever had the experience of waking up in the morning and feeling THIN, positive that you have lost some weight (hoping like mad); sure your pants are just a little bit looser (yipeeeee). Skip out of the house feeling pretty HOT…. only to find yourself later in the day the FATTEST person that ever lived?
One moment feeling pretty damn good, to being reduced to a fat, hellish existence. The good news is that you’re not going mad!
Swinging between feelings of fat and thin is normal
This swinging through feelings of being fat and thin are normal for the average woman, and these feelings have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale (though the feelings can be triggered by the scale).
These feelings can also be triggered by eating the food you consider BAD I eat bad food therefore I am bad. I don’t exercise – that’s bad, therefore I am bad. I try on some clothes that don’t look good, or don’t fit I am bad.
I catch a mirror image of myself with my tummy sticking out ouch, I am bad, inadequate, a loser, ugly (add in your own words).
The feelings have to go somewhere
Us humans can only take feeling so much badness; so all those feelings have to go somewhere. We externalise what we don’t like about ourselves into our fat. Aaaah, it’s the fat that’s ruining my life, making me feel BAD!
Of course we are going to want to get rid of that horrible trouble-making stuff. None of us want to feel bad or inadequate or vulnerable and we will go to great lengths not to feel these feelings.
If we are cutting off feeling in ourselves, or dealing with the these feeling of inadequacy/badness these feelings will often make themselves known to us via a feeling of being FAT. I call it being “Fat with Feeling”.
What’s going on underneath?
This is a good time to reflect on what might be happening for us at a deeper level (am I angry? Tired? Ignoring my own needs? Too focused on others?), not just what we know intellectually (I shouldn’t be tired because I slept for 8 hours, or I am not supposed to focus on myself because that’s selfish).
It’s a logical leap when feeling fat to want to get rid of it. There are many things in life we can change if we do not like them our job, colour of our house, our car, our partner, etc. What we do not get taught is how to deal with our inner world, because the rules are different. We can’t get rid of our inner states.
Surgery isn’t an option
As much as we would like to do surgery to get rid of the parts of us we dislike or even hate, we cannot.
We have to “be” with these states in a new way, which initiates healing and freedom. If we are going about diet/exercise with the hopes that we will be someone else at the end we are putting to much expectation on it, and it can set us up for sabotage and disappointment and this is usually when women will ditch the programme.
Diet and exercise are important to keep us healthy and to honour our bodies and our well-being they just can’t rearrange our inner worlds.
What to do?
Firstly, take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of it. On one column write FAT on the other THIN or healthy/slim whatever most resonates for what you’re striving for.
Now list all the words that come into your head when feeling fat or when eating “bad” foods.
Now do the same for THIN and when sticking to your “good” foods.
All the stuff in the FAT column will be the things that you dislike about yourself and are looking for ways to get rid of. Now, ask yourself honestly, what the hell is so bad about feeling inadequate? Ugly? Who said it was bad to feel this way?
Now imagine that these less likable parts of you are a vulnerable child. Can you open your heart to this child? Can you approach yourself with compassion instead of rejection? The same way you would your own child or a good mate?
The more you come into relationship with these parts of yourself the less likely you will externalise them into your fat, and you will like yourself more!
…. And honey, that’s a whole lot of freedom!